No, I'm Not Running 2.23 Miles Today

I will not be running 2.23 miles today in honor of Ahmaud Arbery. Not because I don’t abhor the fact these crimes continue to occur, but to me, it feels intensely too small and convenient. If I run my 2.23 miles and make my obligatory social media post, it may help show the world that I care about this tragedy and put me on the bandwagon of outraged citizens, but in reality, it does nothing to help change the climate or make any impact in bringing these issues out of the shadows and into the light. It merely makes us feel better but will likely not stop the next hateful murder from happening. To me, it likens to “thoughts and prayers” after every school shooting that occurs. When will real change happen and how? When the media frenzy dies down and another headline takes over, will we forget the importance of this event and make legitimate efforts to end this cycle of hatred?

The only answer in my mind comes down to daily, individual accountability. It is every single one of us making a conscious effort to police our own thoughts and actions, not shy away from conversations on the topic, and challenging those who espouse hateful beliefs in seemingly innocuous daily conversation. It cannot be through angry attacks or accusations, or through witch hunts for those we believe to be offensive, but rather through intelligent, thought provoking and inquisitive measures to determine where these ideas begin so we can better determine how to head them off. It can only be mitigated through a sincere desire to be better people, and that appears to be a huge ask if we don’t all have the emotional intelligence and introspect to take a deep look at ourselves, our peers, our family members, and friends with real desire for change. You can’t always change people’s opinions, but you can model compassion, curiosity, acceptance, and civil dialogue. I know it sounds great in theory, but harder to enact. Even I will admit I have watched or heard racism in action and choose to take the easier road of avoidance rather than attempt to engage in debate or challenge those with hateful words or actions. In that way, I was part of the problem.

I was raised in the south and have witnessed racism firsthand more times than I can count – even from my own family members. It is real and it runs deep through the veins of the soul. It has no apparent logic, but there is passion and hatred on both sides of the coin – some real, and some manufactured by loose explanations and generations of molded thoughts and feelings. In fact, all of my children were born in the south and before they started school, I decided that I did not want them raised in that kind of toxic environment which would lead them to believe those racist attitudes were appropriate or normal. I chose to avoid it. I never challenged my family or my friends. We moved to Colorado when my oldest child turned five years old and while there are issues of racism everywhere, I am happy that it is not to the extent of what I remember from my own childhood. I am happy that my children don’t understand the illogical hatred of others based on their skin. They know those feelings exist and they dismiss them accordingly when they hear them from others. My daughter is brave enough to challenge hateful words, but my boys are much quieter. However, I am satisfied that all my children recognize compassion and acceptance as desirable traits in themselves and their peers.

I definitely understand the fear black mothers share regarding how their sons will be treated and the exceptional risks they experience every day just for being themselves. That said, there are so many other injustices and fears out there that disturb me as well. I fear for my own daughter’s safety in a world that accepts and embraces sexual predators as long as they clean up nice for society. I fear for my gay friends and whether or not they will also experience violence or mistreatment for being themselves. I am angry about all of this nonsensical hate but if I dwell on that every day, the hate in turn swallows my own soul. The only way I know to fight the injustice that befell Ahmaud Arbery is to fight hate in general through my own daily actions and words. That means EVERY DAY choosing a positive outlet over hate of any kind. It’s hard. It requires work and personal accountability. Every day it requires being a good person, finding it in others, and compassionately challenging anyone who might stray off the path of tolerance and respect. It means honestly policing myself for anger and finding positive ways to channel that energy. Running 2.23 for Ahmaud is a healthy way to channel anger but please don’t convince yourself that it will move the ball forward effectively in ending this kind of treatment toward others.

We must become stronger together by asking more of ourselves and those around us. Be kind, be compassionate, be respectful, and don’t let that goal get lost in the headline of the week. Let anger spark positive action in ways that run much deeper than a daily post or symbol of support. Don’t just be a supporter, be a solution.